Dear Ask Wendy,
I have a problem. You wouldn't think of it to look at me - I've nearly paid off my mortgage on my 4 bedroom, 2 bathroom, 1 en suite house (now I just need the family to fill it!) I've got one hell of a hot car, and I'm just about to put in my own home theatre system.
You'd think I would be happy, but instead, I am sad. I am very sad, Wendy.
You see, I have heard that our government is spending my tax dollars to create new policy about climate change. I hear Kevin Rudd and representatives from the other states of Australia are FLYING over to Copenhagen to discuss a policy for reducing carbon emissions. Can you BELIEVE it? FLYING.
How can they be serious about climate change when they are sending so many people over there to discuss it? Surely, the 0.00000000000000000001 cents I am contributing to this flight could be spent better elsewhere!
Don't they know that FLYING in a PLANE creates a huge amount of carbon pollution whatsits?! They are clearly only doing this so that they can have a holiday with Climate Change as an excuse. In fact I think the entire thing was created just so politicians could take holidays.
You see, I believe everyone in the world is as self-serving, greedy and scheming as myself. I have also read a study that when human beings see others being blamed for something, they are more inclined to blame that thing too, regardless of how sensible it is!
And I think the Australian people are being blamed, Wendy. And now we are suffering - if they introduce new taxes to help reduce emissions, I will get hit more heavily than poor people because I earn more! Which doesn't seem fair at all. And it might set me back on that new barbecue I was going to have installed at my place.
Sacrificing even the smallest amount of my own curious living standards for the good of others is inherently repulsive to me. What can I do to stop KRUDD and his cronies from ruining my life forever with their climate change policies?
- Trouble in paradise
Dear Trouble,
I would write an article which grossly over-simplifies the situation, and misleads people about its nature entirely. Then, I would only publish comments on said article that drum up further hysteria.
Oh, wait. Someone already did that for you. Never mind. That's a shame. I just love writing those.
FIGHT THA POWER BROTHERS,
Wendy
